When The Beat Dropped: My first time at the gay club

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Image of Jay Ray by Roni Nicole

It was 1998 when I first went in there.

I bought my first Amtrak ticket to Washington DC’s Union Station. I was going to meet my new friend who I met on the internet. Back then, the hot chat site was WBS and Black Gay Chat was where everyone chatted. To explain, once upon a time Black gay and bisexual men would log onto the internet through a telephone land line. They’d use Netscape or Internet Explorer to log into a group chat. These humongous pictures would accompany each person’s profile, and you’d proceed to chat as a group or sometimes sneak into private chat.

It was a different time.

Well, I’d arranged to meet Leon for the first time, and we were going to the club. It was my first time visiting a gay club, and I was equally exhilarated and terrified. Coupled with the fact that I was headed to a strange city to meet a strange person and spend the night at their apartment. There were a lot of firsts here.

I arrived at Union Station and we headed back to Leon’s studio in Baltimore. We were having an awesome time! He was not only smart, he was fun to be around, and I needed that comfort since I was going to be doing this club thing for the first time.

I got dressed. Who knows what I wore. I am sure it wasn’t very fashionable, but I was wearing it, and it was time to drive down to DC. I had no concept of how far DC was from Baltimore. Growing up in Chester, you could hop down to Delaware or over to New Jersey within minutes, but I remember driving down the Baltimore-Washington Parkway dancing and singing along to whatever Euro-soul we both were into at the time.

There was a dim light over the space, and I could hear the music.

The Delta was in a corner, in the back of some strip mall. I remember it being extremely dark outside, and this feeling that the door to the club was very heavy. I paid my money and I went in. House music was playing, and there was a metal piping sort of stage thing. It was dark, and all I could see were strobe lights and moving sweaty bodies. There was a distinct smell in the space. Not funk, not sweat, but almost a sweet spring breeze smell.

I was overwhelmed.

I’d never seen so many Black men dancing together. I’d never seen so many chiseled sweating bodies moving to music.

I was afraid.

The Delta didn’t have many ways in or out of the club. In fact, I remembered one door and one door only. What would it have been like had violence broken out? How would I have escaped? What if I couldn’t? My family would find out I was in a gay club. My family would find out I was gay. All of these things ran through my head that night.

The beat hit me.

After my nerves calmed down, I settled into dancing. I didn’t dance with anyone specific that night, but I had a good time, so much so we did it again at another club the following night. I was rebelling against convention, and doing it on my own terms. I was learning how to be myself and how to interact with other men who were like me. It’s one of the fondest memories I have of those early years of accepting my sexuality. That space, that experience is sacred. It was the first time I was myself.

I lived that night.

Red Candy Memories - Three Songs About HIV

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Today, May 11, 2015 is the first day of the trial of Michael Johnson in St. Charles, Missouri. Mr. Johnson is alleged to have been knowingly living with HIV and having condomless sex with partners who were unaware of his HIV status either willfully or through omission.  The case has sparked an intense debate about punitive HIV criminalization laws in the US, and how these laws contribute to the continuing stigma surrounding HIV. (Update: Michael Johnson was released from prison in 2019.)

September 25, 2015 also marks 25 years since the release of “Red Hot + Blue” - one of the most significant compilation albums of new music from pop stars of the era specifically to raise awareness and money for HIV/AIDS education and prevention for the Red Hot Organization.

In honor of that release let’s revisit three songs about HIV.

“That’s What Friends Are For” – Dionne Warwick & Friends (1985)

This song wasn’t written with HIV or AIDS in mind, but this most famous version, was released as a charity single for the American Foundation on AIDS Research. This feel-good slow tempo tune included Dionne Warwick, Gladys Knight, Stevie Wonder and Elton John. With that level of star power it’s no wonder it didn’t spend more weeks at #1.

“I’ve Got You Under My Skin” – Neneh Cherry (1990)

Long before Staticc was conceived Neneh Cherry served as one of our muses. This 1990 gem was the first single released from “Red Hot + Blue,” and it tackled head on the stigma surrounding persons living with HIV/AIDS at the time. The stunning video was directed by Jean-Baptiste Mondino. The original song was written by Cole Porter and was one of Frank Sinatra’s top tunes. Cherry’s version incorporated her early rap/sing style, punctuated by poignant lyricism.

“No knowledge of the facts, kept in the dark / Scolds my soul and it hurts my heart / The young and elderly just running blind / Hurts so bad they deny their own kind…”

“Jesus To A Child” – George Michael (1996)

Hauntingly beautiful and heartfelt, “Jesus To A Child” was Michael’s tribute to his partner, Anselmo Feleppa, who died of HIV related causes. At the time of its release the backstory of the song wasn’t news only rumor. Michael’s sexual identity wasn’t yet public knowledge. The song eventually hit #1 in the UK, and still shuffles up regularly on my playlist.

Of course songs about HIV & AIDS didn’t stop completely after 1996, but they did appear far less than in the decade or so covered above. Despite that, HIV & AIDS have been mainstays in the world health community for 34 years. In fact, alarmingly so for black and brown communities.

Where are today’s songs about HIV?

Does music care anymore?

Where are the red ribbons at awards shows?

If Michael Johnson going to trial proves anything, it’s that discussing HIV is just as important in 2015 as it was in 1985; maybe more so.